Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
