So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
