He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
