Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Your cock deserves a montage
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
