We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
