he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
