So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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