Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
