Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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