My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
