We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
