do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
