So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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