so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
