went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize