if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize