I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
