I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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