Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
