I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
