U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ttyl tear gas
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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