apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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