remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have post one night stand depression
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
