They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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