I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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