i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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