i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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