We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
