That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
