i jhust puked up my retainher.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
