That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
