This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
