I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ladies don't puke and tell
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
