zippers are such a cool invention
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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