plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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