I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
