worst night to have a conscience
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
