I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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