she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
