i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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