she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
