two words: eviction party
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
