Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
