this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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