it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
