oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
