u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
