I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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