Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
