a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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