Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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