just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
