i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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