Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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