Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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