I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He better not be in your backpack
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
