I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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