And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
