I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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