it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
