OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
