Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
