i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We were destined to go to rehab together
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
