I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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