If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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