Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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