i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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