she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
