I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
