it's not cheating when I paid for it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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