I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
