I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
