Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
