I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
