and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
