We're like a lot better than the average bears
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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