C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
