youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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