why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
